As some of you know, one of the main reasons I created my blog was to raise mental health awareness by talking about my personal experiences with depression. Since writing a post about my depression in September, I haven’t really posted as much as I’d would like to on my blog. The reasons for this is (1) I was pretty busy this past semester (more in a later post!) and (2) the difficulty in writing about a complex topic like mental health.
I don’t think depression really ever leaves a person. You overcome depression by learning how to manage it, but that doesn’t mean that depression will never affect you again. In my case, my depression remains a little voice in the back of my head that occasionally comes out to haunt me *dundundunnn* and makes me question my overall recovery from depression. When this happens, which is pretty much always when I sit down to write a blog post, the voice questions my ‘credentials’ to write about the subject and try to empower others.
It’s a voice that tells me that it’s silly to try to break away from my depression, convincing me that I will always be shackled down by its chains. “Hey lil mama“, it whispers in my ears, “I’ve been around for years, don’t go around acting like you done with me“. It mocks me for trying to empower others, pointing out the irony in how I try to write posts while the shadow of depression looms over me.
Depression thrives on self-doubt and it will always try to come back from the dead by trying to convince you that you are no better without it. What I have realized these past few months is that I must take this voice for what it is: a voice. A voice’s power is limited by the amount of power you chose to give it. Likewise, a voice has absolutely no power to do anything, unless it successfully convinces you to act out on its behalf.
And so I throw a peace sign and say, “watch me do my thing” to the little voice that so desperately tries to retain the power that it once had over me. What this also means, my fellow readers, is that you can expect more consistent posts in the upcoming future!